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Question
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I have been married for five years. About a year ago, my husband said that he
wanted to "bring a third party" into our sex life to spice things up.
I reluctantly agreed because I thought that if I said no, he might leave our
relationship. We had one sexual encounter with a mutual friend. My husband
enjoyed the experience, but it felt strange to me. Since then our friendship
has ended with this third party and sex with my husband is just not the same
to me. Did I ruin my marriage by agreeing to do this?
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Answer
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Bringing a third party into a monogamous relationship can be tricky. It tends to
work better when both members of the couple are in agreement on the issue. Some
couples decide that this is a great way to spice up things and add some wild
features into a long-term relationship. Sounds like you had reservations from
the beginning and were a bit uncomfortable with the idea. I don't think that
you single-handedly ruined your marriage, but it does sound like it is in trouble.
Talk with your husband about your feelings. Let him know that you would like to
feel better about your relationship -- including your sex life with him. Make an
appointment with a couples therapist, marriage counselor, or sex therapist.
Having this third party in your relationship may be quite valuable in getting
your marriage back on track.
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Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos
MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination
with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of
sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.
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