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Question
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I've always had a fantasy about having sex in public with my husband. Maybe not
full-on intercourse, but maybe doing something that someone might see. Is this
totally strange?
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Answer
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Fantasies about having sex in public are extremely common. Both men and women
often find it a turn-on to think that someone might spot them in a "compromising position."
Because the centers of our brain that control fear, anxiety and arousal are so
close together, a little bit of nervousness or a feeling that you are doing
something "naughty" can greatly enhance arousal. In one fascinating
study, a woman positioned herself halfway across a bridge and asked all men
passing by to fill out a survey. She then gave them her phone number "in
case they had any questions." What was interesting was that this study had
two conditions. In one, the woman was on a sturdy suspension bridge; in the
other, she was in the middle of a very shaky rope bridge, high over a chasm.
The men who were given the survey in the more "nerve-provoking"
condition were far more likely to later call and ask the woman out on a date.
In your case, I bet that tiny bit of fear is what is making this scenario
exciting. Of course, serious fear can completely dampen sexual arousal, but
in this situation, it is unlikely that anything beyond embarrassment will
occur. Of course, should you actually wish to play this out, you do need to
be aware that most states have laws against "indecent exposure."
This fantasy becomes far less exciting if you are reported to the police.
Most couples who engage in public sex do so in scenarios where their chances
of actually being caught and/or offending anyone is very low. If you were
hoping to have sex on a crowded city bus, I might save that for a hot
fantasy or role-play.
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Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos
MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination
with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of
sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.
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