Thanks for taking the time to write such a difficult question. While I'm certain
that others have had similar experiences, it can be difficult to actually put
thoughts and feeling to words and I appreciate you taking the risk. I am glad
to hear that you are in counseling to deal with the pain that you have endured.
I am curious to know if you are talking about your sexual difficulties with your
counselor. I know that it can be difficult to bring up topics around current
sexual feelings and functioning and that it can feel safer to simply talk about
the past. I would encourage you to tell your counselor exactly what you have
told me. Your current feelings are just as important as your past trauma.
If you feel that your counselor is having a difficult time talking about your
current sex life, you may want to see a sex counselor who may be better versed
in these areas. After you have worked through some of your emotional pain, you
will need to practice replacing negative thoughts about sexual experiences with
more positive thoughts.
As you can imagine, this is not an easy process but it is possible. For example,
when your husband is touching you, you may have to train your mind to be thinking,
"this feels good and I feel safe" versus "I'm scared and feel
violated." Counselors can help you through this process and assist you with
retraining your thinking so that you can begin to enjoy yourself sexually.
Most of all, keep the lines of communication open with your husband. Your
relationship has survived many years and I'm assuming that some of that is due
to the level of communication that the two of you have sustained. You may even
want to bring your husband to some of your counseling sessions or see a separate
couples therapist.
Continue to take care of yourself and remember, you will be able to find a
positive sense of your sexual self along this journey.
