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Question
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My fiancé won't masturbate in front of me. I've told him that I enjoy
watching him masturbate, but he says that he gets embarrassed. Is there any
way that I can get him to let me watch him masturbate? He masturbates quite
frequently, and we've done everything else; he just won't do this. Is it
normal for him to be so embarrassed?
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Answer
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Given all of the negative messages we receive about masturbation while growing
up, it is quite common to retain some elements of shame and embarrassment about
this very natural and healthy activity. You should count yourself lucky for
being so enlightened and comfortable with your sexuality and your partner that
you find yourself able to masturbate so openly.
I think the solution is here is to use a light touch (pardon the pun). All you
can do is reassure your fiancé that there is nothing to be embarrassed
about and that you would like to see him masturbate. But, beyond that,
I think you need to give it time. If you yourself masturbate openly in front
of him, that will go a long way in making him feel that this is nothing to
be ashamed of.
He may always feel a little strange about masturbating in front of you, but
there may be ways to lessen this feeling. For example, you might want to
start by masturbating together with the lights out. Or, perhaps, you can ask
him to tell you about a particularly memorable masturbatory experience.
Eventually, he will probably come around. I am going to stop now before the
puns get out of hand (damn, there I go again!).
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Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos
MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination
with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of
sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.
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