Loss of sexual desire is the most common complaint that is heard in sex therapy
and other counseling offices. Lack of (or decreased) sexual desire can impact
the way that a person feels about themselves as a sexual human being as well as
their relationship with their partner.
Our sexual desire can be affected by many things. In fact, changes in desire are
usually associated with physical/hormonal changes and/or psychological distress.
Changes in hormonal levels can be affected by age or medical conditions. Sexual
desire can also be affected greatly by our psychological well-being. Feelings
of sadness, depression, stress and anxiety can definitely decrease our interest
in the bedroom!
It sounds like your recent diagnosis could have some influence on your sexual
desire. Receiving such news can result in feelings of shock, disbelief, anger
and sadness. All of these feelings can have a negative effect on sexual desire.
Depending upon the nature of your physical condition, you may be experiencing
changes in your body, like pain or fatigue. Physical discomfort certainly does
not encourage sexual desire. In addition, you may be taking new medications
that could be affecting your sexual interest.
A suggested plan of action may be the following:
Talk with your partner about this matter. Keeping up the communication is
essential! Let him know how much you love him and enjoy being sexual with him
and that you would like to work towards recapturing your sexual drive. This
lets him know that being physically intimate with him is important to you. If
you and your partner are open to the idea, it also may help to see a counselor
or therapist to help jump-start this part of your relationship. If you feel
that your communication has been okay and that your relationship is not in
danger, this may not be necessary.
Talk with your doctor about your decrease in sex drive. Ask whether or not your
medications or the condition itself may be affecting your sexual desire. It can
be hard to bring up this topic with your doctor, but remember: physicians hear
this type of discussion quite frequently.
Pay attention to your feelings. Are there times when your desire seems to be more
apparent than others? Try doing things that have made you feel sexy in the past
(wearing sexy clothes, using perfume, lighting candles) and see if this puts you
in the mood. Sometimes small changes in our behavior can help swing us back into
feeling sexy again. The point of these exercises is to start to get in touch
with your thoughts and feelings around your sexuality.
Hang in there with the changes in your life and remember to ask tons of questions
of your medical providers. Thanks for your question and good luck!
