Question

I am a woman with a physical disability and have limited strength in my hands. My strength is decreasing over time and I am having increasing difficulties with touching my partner as well as stimulating myself. Any thoughts about how to deal with this?

Answer

What an interesting question! Many people with a variety of different disabilities talk about similar issues. As some conditions exacerbate, functioning can decrease. Obviously this affects all parts of peoples' lives including their sexual interactions with others.

There are a couple of ways to approach this change in physical ability. First, prepare yourself to feel a bit discouraged. Some people who lose physical ability go through a period of time where they feel down on themselves. This could decrease your interest in sex. Or, it may make you feel like you want to fight against it. Either way, go easy on yourself as you adjust to the changes.

Second, try experimenting with different positions. Lay on a bed or couch with your arms resting upon cushions and attempt to masturbate this way. You can first try with your hands and then also experiment with holding a vibrator. Some vibrators and sex toys are easier to hold than others. In fact, some toys can be modified by attaching a Velcro strap. You can investigate these strategies by yourself or with your partner.

Third, see if different positions help with easing the weakness in your hands when you are being sexual with your partner. If you are unable to find a position that is right for you, ask you partner to assist you. He/she can place his/her hand over your hand and move it across his/her body. This way, you continue to have direct contact with your partner's skin and you are simply getting a helpful nudge of momentum.

Some people with significant disabilities do choose to ask for assistance from others with masturbation. That is, you could ask your partner to assist you with getting a vibrator in your hand so that you could masturbate. In fact, people who do not have partners often times ask their personal assistants (sometimes called personal care attendants) to assist them with self-stimulation.

Basically, my advice to you is to continue communicating with your partner and have fun experimenting!

Best,

Dr. Sandor Gardos

MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.