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Question
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I am a 24 year old lesbian who has always had sexual and romantic relationships
with women. I am tired of heterosexual friends telling me that I am technically
still a virgin because I have not had intercourse with a man. Just because I
don't have sex with men doesn't mean that I have non-legitimate sex. Am I crazy
to be thinking this way?
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Answer
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No, you are absolutely not crazy for thinking this way! Most people learn about
sexuality from the media, peers, and family members. These messages are typically
centered upon heterosexual notions, which sometimes translates into what many
people think of as "legitimate" sex.
Being sexually intimate with a partner and engaging in penile-vaginal intercourse
for the first time is often referred to as "losing your virginity."
However, widening this definition to "having sex for the first time"
may be more realistic in describing people's experiences. In fact, the very
phrase "losing your virginity" is not used by sexologists anymore,
having been replaced with "sexual initiation."
"Having sex" can mean anything from gazing into someone's eyes to
kissing and intimate touching. All is considered legitimate sex in my book.
Lesbian sex is NOT any less real than heterosexual sex. Tell your friends to
get with the program.
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Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos
MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination
with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of
sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.
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