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Question
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I love my boyfriend very much but he is just not very good in bed. Although he
tries, he is frequently "barking up the wrong tree" with where he touches me --
if you know what I mean. I don't really want to hurt his feelings by telling
him he is doing things wrong, but I also want to be satisfied. Any suggestions?
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Answer
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While I am all for open, detailed conversations, I agree that yelling out
"stop that" or "not there" in bed is probably not the ideal approach.
Generally, it's best to concentrate on the positive when communicating with
a partner about sexual matters. For example, instead of saying, "Don't
do that!" when he is missing the mark, try saying, "Oh yes! Where
you just were!" when he hits the spot. You can also lean over and whisper
in his ear, "You know what would really turn me on?" then suggest what you'd
like!
Another option is to masturbate in front of your partner. You can make it
into a little erotic game, taking turns, or doing it at the same time. You
might learn something about what he likes, too!
If you don't think you can bring yourself to say anything or masturbate in
front of him, the best approach is to take his hand gently and place it where
you want it. Show him where you like to be touched, how hard, how fast, etc.
While I appreciate that you don't want to hurt his feelings, most men actually
say that they would like it if women would give them more feedback about what
they like. However you approach it, you will be doing both of you a service!
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Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos
MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination
with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of
sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.
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