by Trisha Hurlburt
Think back to the days when you and the love of your life (or of the
moment) kissed; before you actually had sex - either for the first
time ever or the first time for the two of you. Remember how exciting
and passionate and raw it was? And how it could go on for hours? Well,
it's time to take back the kiss as a sensual act unto itself, not just a
prelude to "the act."
"Why?" I'm sure you're asking. "Why in the name of all that is holy
would you talk about taking a step back? We're sexually active adults,
so why shouldn't kissing continue to be foreplay that eventually leads
to more?" Now listen, I'm not saying that we need to ban sex. Believe
me, I'm not. I just think that limiting how far we go from time to time
would actually go a long way toward making our sexual experiences richer
and even more enjoyable. Intrigued? Hear me out and I guarantee it'll
be worth your while. No, really.
First, let's talk a little about why this is a good idea - aside from
just being plain ol' fun:
It will take you back to your more innocent days.
And yes, that can be a good thing. No matter how much of an, uh,
experienced lass or lad you are, there was a time B.I. - Before
Intercourse. A time when everyone knew what the limits were, so there
was no pressure about going further. You could just enjoy the moment
and all of the new feelings. Of course, there was always the idea of
sex in the back of everyone's mind - that's what made the making out so
"dangerous" - but for the most part, no one had to seriously confront
that issue, so it was just hours of glorious liplock.
You'll be reminded of why you were attracted to your partner/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend in the first place.
That first kiss in a relationship is so many things - excitement,
nervousness, an assessment. (Yes, it's true; we equate the way our
partners kiss with how good they'll be while horizontally engaged. This
should not come as a surprise to anyone.) It's also the first time we
feel that spark - that electrical feeling that jolts us when chemistry
is happening between two people. It's giddy, it's arousing, and it
can be recaptured.
OK, so you're hopefully warming up to this experiment. Now, how to
implement it? I'll be the first to admit that this may take a little
cunning - particularly if you're currently in a relationship that has
crossed the sexual border many, many times. You don't want to be a
complete tease or make your partner think that you aren't attracted to
him or her anymore, but you also need to control the situation. So, the
most important thing is to undertake this semi-spontaneously. Don't
plan an Intercourse Embargo when you've got a special night on the
horizon - romantic dinner, an anniversary, etc. - because frankly,
that's just cruel.
It will take a bit of resolve on your part as well, because, let's face
it, we enjoy having sex with our partners. And honestly, if
things do progress to the point of no return, there's certainly no harm
in it. You'll just have to try again. and how is that a bad thing?
That said, here are my suggestions for a successful Kissing Coup:
Take your love by surprise.
Some of the most exciting kisses are the ones we're not expecting. They
don't even have to be soulful, tongue-twisting extravaganzas, either.
The next time you're just sitting quietly together or even out walking
around, try grabbing your sweetie and laying one on their lips - you'll
both be surprised by how satisfying it can be. Just be mindful of where
you are, and if things do start to get hot and heavy, do everyone a
favor and find a more private spot.
Stay dressed.
Make sure you're fully clothed before you commit to this endeavor.
You're only tempting feelings of rejection if you prance around in
something skimpy beforehand and then try to convince your kissing
partner not to go any further.
Use different techniques to keep things simmering; not boiling.
Once you've found a place to get comfortable, don't start going to town
immediately. The point is to build things up, not to get you
both immediately worked up and frustrated. If there's a move that you
know gets your lover's heart racing (like earlobe nibbling or lip
biting), do it, but only for a split second. Then get back to the
kissing. Maybe kiss around their lips for a little bit, then come
back to the main attraction. And don't be frantic about any of it. If
you sense that control is being lost, just slow your own pace ,and your
partner will most likely follow. Also, it's very important that the
furthest south the kissing goes is the collarbone. Do I really need to
explain why?
Remember the importance of embrace...
Nothing feels more comforting than being in the arms of the one you
love. Personally, few things get me hotter when my boyfriend and I are
kissing than when he places both hands on my face. It just feels so
intimate - as though I'm the only one on Earth that he's ever kissed
like that. Yes, I know that's not true (yes, it is!), but
there's nothing wrong with feeding the fantasy. So, run your fingers
through your partner's hair, caress their faces, touch their lips and
pull them closer to you.
But also remember the importance of not touching.
Obviously, this kissing-only outing is not going to last if you're both
groping each other's privates. Try to keep the fondling to the arms,
neck, back and shoulders. If your mate is trying to go for the gold,
simply move his or her hand elsewhere. The best move for this is to
take the wandering hand and just entwine it with yours, or maybe turn it
into a playful restraint situation by taking both of their hands and
gently pinning them with your own, above the head or to the sides.
Try getting things started when you know you or your partner have to go somewhere soon.
That guarantees (for the most part - I've not discounted quickies) a
stopping point without anyone's feelings getting hurt. It also gives
you that revved up, "I can't wait to get back home" feeling that can
make for some pretty explosive sexual encounters later.
Mostly, just have fun.
Again, this is to improve your love life, not restrict it. Obviously,
if you're feeling it, then you should do whatever makes you feel good.
Or if you know that your partner will be taken aback by not "closing the
deal," then teasingly whisper that you're trying to get them hot and
bothered so that when you do make love later, it will be better
than ever.
So there you have it - a simple blueprint for Makeout City. Whether or
not you use these particular techniques, kissing your own sweet baboo
(and no, that's not a euphemism for any body part) will enrich and
enliven your relationship. Not to mention, it will assure your partner
that you love them and lets them know that, regardless of the longevity
of your twosome, you are still attracted to them. Now, go load
up on lip balm, turn on the radio, and get to smooching!
