Masturbation is
fun, healthy and safe. In fact, it's the safest form of sex you can practice.
You can't become pregnant or contract an STD from masturbating, nor will your
hands cheat on you, lie about how good it was, or spend all your money. If you're
one of the few who hasn't touched themselves, give it a try. What can it hurt?
At the worst, you won't care for it much. At best, you'll discover an exciting
new way to relieve stress, celebrate your body, relieve sexual tension and give
yourself a whole lotta pleasure.
Even if you've
been masturbating for years, a little variety never hurt anyone. Have you tried
using different kinds of
lube
when you masturbate? Most men have tried some
form of lubricant, but surprisingly few women have. Try a couple of different
brands and types... a little moisture adds a lot to the experience. What about
sex toys?
Many women have tried
vibrators,
dildos and
clitoral stimulators,
but few men have tried
sleeves or
penis pumps--all of which
can be a lot more fun than your bare hands. Whether you're a newbie or a pro
at self love, relax, take your pants off, and try some of these tricks for a
zestier solo sex experience.
Masturbation
Tips for Girls
If you're masturbating for the first time--or even if you're a seasoned pro--take
a few moments to relax, heighten your senses and explore your body. Dim the
lights, turn on some soft, sensual music, light a few candles and burn some
incense. You may feel a little silly making all these preparations just to have
sex with yourself, but try it at least once and see if you like it. Many women
are surprised at their bodies' responses to a sensual environment.
Once the room is
ready, remove your clothes and recline on the bed or sofa. Make sure you're
completely comfortable; try propping your elbows on a few pillows. Then begin
to explore your body. Stroke your breasts, belly and thighs. Feel your skin
raise into goosebumps as you become aroused by your own touch. Don't leave an
inch of skin unexplored: search out and touch all the places on your body you
don't consider to be "sexual," such as the backs of your knees, your
underarms, the crevice between your vulva and inner thighs. You'll soon find
out what turns you on.
When you're completely
comfortable with your body, move your hands between your legs. If this is difficult
or uncomfortable for you, start slow. Get out a hand mirror and a flashlight
and look at yourself. Many women have never done this before and have no idea
what they look like. In order to feel completely comfortable masturbating, you
need to understand your anatomy. Pull your labia apart and examine your clitoris
and vaginal opening. Try stroking your clitoris and watch what happens. As you
become aroused, blood will flow to your clitoris, enlarging it and turning it
a deep shade of red--much like a man's erect penis. The sensitive skin below
your clitoris, surrounding your vaginal opening, may become puckered, like the
goosebumps on your arms and legs. Don't worry! It's a perfectly natural response
to arousal.
As you become more
comfortable and aroused, set aside the mirror and flashlight and try to completely
relax. Continue to stroke your clitoris, mons pubis and vaginal opening. Concentrate
on the areas that feel the best. Once you are fully aroused, you'll most likely
become wet with vaginal lubrication. Try inserting a finger or two and see how
that feels. Some women enjoy penetration when masturbating, some don't. Neither
way is better. That's one of the joys of self-love--you can engage in only the
stimulation that you enjoy, nothing more and nothing less. You're in it for
yourself alone. Try different types of stimulation and see what feels best.
Or try a few of the following "advanced" moves:
- With your thumb
and forefinger on either side of your clitoris, gently roll it between your
fingers. Begin with a slow, gentle roll and then gradually accelerate the
movement until you find the speed that works for you.
- Place two fingers
directly on your clitoris and move them in a circular motion. Try varying
speed and intensity.
- "Draw"
a circle around your clitoris with your middle finger. Women who find direct
clitoral pressure too intense will enjoy this move.
- Try tracing
the alphabet on your clitoris with your index finger. This technique may not
bring you to orgasm, but it might clue you in to some sensations otherwise
undiscovered.
- Use one hand
to separate and hold apart your labia, fully exposing your clitoris. Dip the
index finger from your other hand in some
lubricant--from
your body or from a
bottle--and
gently tap your clitoris. Vary speed and intensity and be patient:
as you tap harder and longer, a wonderful sensation will build until you feel
like you're going to explode.
- When you're
aroused and lubricated, gently thrust one or two fingers in and out of your
vagina. Many women who believe they can only achieve orgasm through direct
clitoral stimulation are surprised to find that penetration can also bring
them to a rousing climax.
- While stimulating
your clitoris with one hand, try thrusting a few fingers into your vagina
with your other hand. The combination of clitoral and vaginal stimulation
can be very exciting.
- Try any of the
above techniques while lying on your belly. Some women prefer the slight difference
in stimulation and the gentle "humping" motion they can make while
enjoying this position.
- Try stimulating your
G-Spot:
lie on your back with your knees raised and insert your middle
finger into your vagina in an inverted "come hither" motion. About
two inches into your vagina, on the wall closest to your stomach, you'll feel
a spongy, slightly raised area. That's your G-Spot, also known as your urethral
sponge. Because the sensitive portion of this area is actually on the other
side of several layers of skin, it will respond best to pressure, not stroking.
Try pressing your G-Spot with varying intensities. If you don't like it, just
stop doing it. G-Spot stimulation isn't for everyone. However, if you do like
it, try simultaneously stroking your clitoris with your other hand. Rumor
has it that orgasms produced by G-Spot stimulation can be very intense.
One rule to remember--regardless
of the technique you prefer--is to be nice to yourself. Masturbation is for
you; you are the only person you need to worry about pleasing. Do what
feels good for you. Don't worry about having an orgasm. With the multitude of
nerve endings in your vulva, you will enjoy the stimulation regardless of whether
or not you come. Revel in the sensations you produce in your body.
Once you become more comfortable and experienced with masturbation, you might
want to try some props. Get a
vibrator
or
dildo
and some
lubricant.
Try a beginner anal plug while masturbating.
Experiment with different sensations: feathers, silk,
warming oil.
Get a few
erotic novels,
magazines or videos. Try masturbating in the shower, either with a
waterproof sex toy,
or with the "massage" setting on your handheld
shower head. Some women also enjoy lying on their backs in the bathtub and having
water from the faucet drip or stream onto their clitorises. For more suggestions,
buy a copy of "Sex for One" by Betty Dodson, or "For Yourself"
by Lonnie Barbach. Both are written by women and filled with wonderful ideas
for increasing your self-pleasure.
Masturbation
Tips for Guys
Sadly, even
after decades of women's lib, men are encouraged to be more open and expressive
with their sexuality than women are. The downside is that fewer women feel comfortable
discussing or engaging in masturbation; the upside is that most men are really,
really good at masturbating and need little encouragement to do so.
At MyPleasure,
we firmly believe (and sexuality experts will concur) that there is really no such thing
as "too much" masturbation.
If it feels good, do it once a day, five times a day, twice a week or semiannually.
Only you can decide how much self-stimulation is right for you. However, if
you are worried that you masturbate too much, you may want to reflect on your
motives. Are you engaging in solo sex for healthy reasons, such as pleasure,
stress release, celebration or sexual release? Do you enjoying it when you masturbate,
or are you doing it to avoid something? If you are able to eat, sleep, work
or engage in any other activities you enjoy without constantly thinking about
or engaging in masturbation, then you're perfectly fine. Masturbate all you
want! Otherwise, back off for awhile, see a therapist and get to know yourself
a little better.
If your partner
is disturbed by your masturbation practices, including technique or frequency,
gently encourage him or her to leave it alone. Masturbation is not a replacement
for sex. Just because you are masturbating does not necessarily mean that your
partner is failing to meet your sexual needs. People masturbate for all kinds
of reasons! If there is a relationship problem, talk it out, buy a communication
book, or see a couples therapist. Otherwise, it's perfectly healthy, normal
and positive for both partners to masturbate. Finally, encourage
your partner to masturbate with you; this can be a huge turn-on for both of you.
Most men masturbate
by wrapping their fingers around their erect penis and stroking it up and down
until they ejaculate. Sounds boring, doesn't it? Centuries of practice assure
us otherwise, but you can still add a little variety. While male masturbation
tends to be focused on the penis, many men really enjoy stimulating other areas,
such as the testicles, anus, prostate, inner thighs or nipples. If you haven't
tried stroking one of these areas while you masturbate, give it a go. You might
really like it! You can also try one of the following techniques:
- Try a variance
of your "regular" program by using your non-dominant hand.
- Lube up
and use both hands at once in a pumping motion along your shaft.
- Encircle your
penis with your thumb and forefinger positioned in a ring, and stroke it up
and down your shaft. When you get to the top, close the ring, then squeeze
your way in as you slide back down to the bottom of your shaft.
- With one hand,
stroke your penis from top to the bottom. When you reach the base, release
it. Meanwhile do the same thing with your other hand, over and over again,
alternating hands. Develop a rhythm!
- Place your hands
on either side of your shaft and start spinning it like it's a stick of wood
you're trying to start a fire with. Proceed gently, you want gentle friction,
not burning flames!
- "Force"
your penis into your closed fist as though you are penetrating it. Repeat
the motion with your other hand, interchanging hands at the end of each stroke.
- Use your open
palm to swirl around the head of your penis, the way your tongue would lick
an ice cream cone.
- Turn the head
of his penis like a you're trying to open a door knob coated with grease.
Now try turning the other way. Repeat.
- Stroke only
your shaft, ignoring the head, which will swell and turn red. When it's bright
red and rock hard, stimulate it gently with your fingers.
- Lightly and
slowly run a finger up the under side of your cock, gently pinching the sensitive
vein underneath.
- Here's a complicated
move from The Society for Human Sexuality: Take the penis in both hands, fingers
lightly touching the sides of the shaft. In order to visualize the position,
think of yourself holding a clarinet. Now flick the penis back and forth between
your two hands by holding on to the loose skin of the shaft. Shuttling it
back and forth in this manner may not seem incredibly thrilling at
first, but pretty soon, as it builds up momentum, it will drive you out of
your mind. Orgasms encountered via this method are sometimes messy, but always
memorable.
If you've mastered
these techniques and would like to try something different, consider purchasing an
erection ring,
which will delay and enhance your orgasm. You might also experiment
with sex toys for men, such as
penis pumps,
virtual sheaths,
masturbators and
extenders.
Try different kinds of
lubrication,
such as oil, water or
silicone-based lubes.
Start a collection of adult videos, magazines and other "inspirational"
materials. Try masturbating with a pillow or other soft substance. Your possibilities
are really limitless.
Partner Masturbation
Once you and your partner have reached a level of intimacy that allows both
of you to feel comfortable discussing solo sex, you might enjoy practicing masturbation
together, either on yourselves (mutual masturbation) or on one another (also known as genital massage).
Before you begin, discuss your upcoming experience. Find out if your partner
would prefer to masturbate in front of you, or just massage your genitals. Always
respect his or her wishes. There's plenty of time to try different things later
on in your relationship. When you're both on the same wavelength about what
you want, jump in and get started. Make an event of the experience: create a
sensual, appealing environment in your bedroom by lighting candles, playing
sensual music and showering together first. Relax on the bed and try any of
the techniques described above. Don't focus on climaxing or giving your partner
an orgasm. Just enjoy the experience and concentrate on finding the strokes
that work best for both of you.
Whatever your preferences,
remember to vary your masturbation techniques. While it's great to know how to bring
yourself to orgasm in 30 seconds or less, you're going to have a much more enjoyable
experience if you romance yourself a little bit first. Take the time to have
fun ... don't be "goal oriented." And do try a different stroke now
and then. Just because one stimulation works well for you, doesn't mean something
else won't feel great too!
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