Sex Toys for Men, Women and Couples
Anatomy Archive

Variety is the Spice of Your Sex Life

By Deb Levine, M.A.

Excerpted from The Joy of Cybersex: A Guide for Creative Lovers (Ballantine 1998)

A group of college students (men and women) were shown the same sexually explicit video once a day for four days. Most of them were turned on the first time they saw the video. But by the third day, their reactions were muted. By the fourth day, some of them were bored. On the fifth day, the researchers showed a new video -- the same actors, new sexual technique. Arousal soared, to just about the same level as day one.

Do human beings need variation in their lovemaking? You bet. Whether you have one partner or many, creativity in the bedroom will keep you passionate about sex. There are many ways that you can add variety -- positions, sex toys, location, and more (don't worry, we'll get to it all in a minute!). But one thing that most couples forget to consider, according to Pat Love, the author of Hot Monogamy, is varying their lovemaking style. That is, changing the amount of time and effort devoted to your sexual encounters.

Love suggests having three or four distinct forms of lovemaking in your repertoire. One could be the quickie -- a short, uninvolved encounter to take care of either your or your partner's needs. Another could be the standard -- 15 to thirty minute sessions in the bedroom with the goal of both partners having orgasms. Yet another could be the adventurous romance, where you completely change your habits and add some risk and playfulness to the sexual experience. Alternating between the three styles will remind you that there are oh, so many ways to have sex, and it most definitely doesn't have to be the same every time.

Most of us are familiar with the standard lovemaking, and many of us are also adept at quickies -- when we remember that it's okay to have them every once in awhile. But we could all use a little help with the sexual adventure. You'd be amazed at what the human body can do! And if you're in shape, creative, and flexible, you can really pull off some incredible sexual feats.

Consider this Web site, the Position Master. Operated by the guys at Men's Health magazine, you get to choose your "desired settings" on the Position Master and then let it find the perfect position for your every need. While this may sound a bit silly, it's actually a useful tool for you to get new ideas and witness the incredible diversity of sexual positions.

The "settings" on the Position Master include: dominant thruster (male or female), G-spot stimulation (minimum to maximum), physical rigor (minimum to maximum), ejaculatory control (minimum to maximum), and flexibility level (minimum to maximum). Here are a few examples of the positions you get (all complete with line drawing illustrations) once you select your desired settings:

Example 1:
Dominant Thruster: M
G-Spot Stimulation: MAX
Physical Rigor: MAX
Ejaculatory Control: MAX
Flexibility Level: MAX

Knees-to-Chest
This is an advanced missionary position, where the woman brings her knees to the man's chest, then wraps her legs behind his shoulders. This position allows for greater penetration while stimulating the back walls of the woman's vagina.

Example 2:
Dominant Thruster: F
G-Spot Stimulation: MAX
Physical Rigor: MAX
Ejaculatory Control: MAX
Flexibility Level: MAX

Man on Top, Woman Facing Away
In this position, the woman lies down, face up, with her legs lifted and spread apart. The man lowers himself between her legs, face down, with his head facing the same way as her feet. He enters her in reverse. Whoa! The drawing helps to illustrate this tricky position.

Example 3:
Dominant Thruster: F
G-Spot Stimulation: MAX
Physical Rigor: MIN
Ejaculatory Control: MAX
Flexibility Level: MIDDLE

Woman Astride, Facing Away
In this one, the woman straddles the man's body on her knees, facing the man's feet. This position allows for deeper penetration, while giving the woman greater control.

These are just a few of ideas to spur your imagination when you're surfing the Net, that you can take home and test out in real life.


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